using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
