College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
