im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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