This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
