areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
