Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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