Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
