We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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