We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
