There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
