Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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