The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
