I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
