i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
