hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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