I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
