I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
