Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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