I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
