you have to choose: penises or morals?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
