she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
