i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
