bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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