There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
