As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
