you traded sex for a burrito?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
