You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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