You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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