I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
