We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
