DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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