I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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