and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
