I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
