So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize