my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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