My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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