Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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