Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
