So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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