Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have feelings that need drinking.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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