you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
nutella sex= disaster
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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