You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
