So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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