Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
