Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
