yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
