My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
