I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Randomize
