If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
