I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
