dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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