If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
