u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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