when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
