she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
