and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
