Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
