i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
