She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize