I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
