Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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