Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
