Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
