everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
