I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
