We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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