i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
