All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
