i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
not ubering you a puppy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
