I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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