I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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