I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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