Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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