I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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