i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
